I can only hit my head against a wall so many times before I get a concussion

I was in the kitchen at the hostel and Phil comes in.  Yes that’s his real name because assholes don’t need their names protected.  Anyway, he has to dress up for work.  in a theme.  He was rightfully bemoaning this and then said, “well at least hte theme has been picked out, it’s “saved by the bell”  and since most people don’t know about it it’s really just a generic “school” thing”.  (ok I’m paraphrasing, it was a couple days ago I can’t remember the entire conversation….)

He continues, “so I’ve got a cheap white shirt and I’ll just right something studenty on it like ‘so and so’s so gay.”

I for once don’t bite my tongue (yay me), “but something that is less of a homophobic slur, right?”

“well I wasn’t really going ot right that, and i mean it ironically”

I keep trying to explain that it is still hurtful, and inappropriate language since it’s origins are what a group of people self identify as, and it is being used to say that things like that group of people are wrong.  and even if it is a joke it perpetuates an acceptance of that language.

He became defensive because asking him to not use homophobic language was stifling his white male middle-class heterosexual life.  He see’s himself as a "nice guy" so he wouldn’t admit that he was in the wrong, because then he’s have to change to still be a “nice guy”.

I’m. just. so. angry.  This is someone who thinks they are modern and forward thinking and nice.  I just don’t know what to do.  it’s so depressing.