party in consent culture

I usually don’t drink because I’m afraid. I mean, I don’t consciously think, “I’m uncomfortable with this situation.” But last night I went to a party where I did feel 100% safe. It is only when I juxtapose this to other parties that I realized something was wrong.

Even around my nudist friends, I would not get drunk and naked. I was at a (clothed) party with the nudist crowed, and Rich started hitting on me as soon as he found out I did a shot of tequila. Um…. yeah…. (I use his name because I do not protect the identities of would-be rapists who think they just need a girl with beer goggles to get laid, and don’t consider that to have consent neither party’s judgment can be impaired)

But last night was amazing. I’d known some of the people for a decade. Others were new to me, but they were all screened by my friends. And they were all open and honest about sex and relationships, and lots of them had slept with at least one of my friends. (so not only personality screened, but personality in bed screened) My friends would not sleep with people who did not communicate with all their partners. They wouldn’t sleep with someone who used sex to control and gain power.

It was consent culture. I got really drunk for the first time in many many months. I was talking to this guy about everything under the sun. but I had no fears drunk and chatting. It was safe. When I mentioned I was feeling a little too drunk I handed him my drink. He brought me some water. I started to feel better so we bee-lined to the hot tub. Because of our influence the hot tub quickly became a nude space.

I was sitting in a hot tub in mixed company, naked and drunk. It was just hanging out. It wasn’t sexual towards me. There was sex at the party, there were lots of people who sleep with each other at the party. No one grabbed my ass even in jest.

But can you imagine the court case if I was assaulted in that context? she was drunk, why would you be naked if you didn’t intend to have sex? she regularly hangs out naked with old men that she has hugged! She has had sex more than once before! And she was at least a decade younger than all the other people at the party at a big house! She must have been LOOKING for a rich man or something!

I was drunk so I went to bed there, as many people did. I was half naked in one of the guest rooms (they have a Gi-normous house). But I have no doubt that if passed out completely naked on a couch or bed that I would have been perfectly safe. imagine doing that at a frat party.

It is so wonderful that that house is a pocket of consent culture in a wasteland.

It is fucked up that personal safety is remarkable. But I’m glad it exists at all.

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pre existing conditions

I can’t afford to get help for bi-polar disorder.  My parents paid out of pocket for doctors for it so it would never show up.  so I wouldn’t be discriminated against because of it.

I’ve been off pills for about 3 or 4 years now.  but I’m depressed at the moment and it sucks.  I have insurance, but I can’t go on the record.  its a pre-existing condition.  I’ve heard to many stories recently.  I’m not going on the record for something I’ve handled for the past 4 years.

Maybe I’m paranoid.  maybe there is good reason.  If I can just get by until I get manic again or I stabalise a little.  I’m just so apathetic, and bursting into tears, and I can’t focus.  I’m afraid I will fail out of grad school as I’m starting.

but I’m so afraid of going on the record as crazy.  fuck.

Published in: on October 28, 2009 at 7:52 pm  Comments (3)  
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monkey’s, porn and consent

Yesterday a(nother) liberal dood I know wanted to share how science totally rocks.  his evidence is that a study was done that shows monkey’s like porn and he read about it on the internet. now I don’t know if he read about it at ABC, but I figured if I was going to rant about it, I should look up an article about it.

Then he got really upset that i thought it was horrible. Later he even sent me an email along the lines of, “but I’m a nice guy why do you think I’m a horrible person?” Which makes the issue, not about my reaction to porn, not about rape culture, not about animal captivity, but about poor him and his feelings. Because my feelings hurt his feelings and that is so mean.

This means that I now I have to spend my time letting him know I don’t think he is a horrible person. Well I have to do this if i want to keep the peace. And I do want to keep the peace since I work with him, and we rely on each other to help each other out when studying, and things like that. GRRRR.

But on to the monkeys. First, the article is about how “The study is the first to show that monkeys appraise visual information for its social value and can then use this data to spontaneously discriminate between images of their fellow monkeys.”

but just like with humans the scientists understood “monkeys” to mean MALE BODIED monkeys.

Twelve adult male rhesus macaques (Macaca mulatta) participated in the study

so already there was bias. that female bodied monkey’s don’t count and we don’t need to see how they think since they are the “other sex” anyway.

The monkey’s were given headshots of both males and females, and hindquarters of females to look at. The article does not discuss how the monkeys responded to headshots of the females. but high social ranking males and female hindquarters were “paid for” more often.

Did they pay for headshots of the women too? would they pay for hindquarter shots of the socially high ranking males? how do we know that “sexiness” of the picture had anything to do with it? Maybe social desirability of the subject was important regardless of the position of the monkey in the camera frame. (not to mention that heteronormative assumptions are made about all subjects in the test).  So again, bias about how humans (i.e. heterosexual male humans) view naked pictures comes into how the experiment was organised, and how the data is interpreted:

Camerer says it is “no surprise” that male monkeys “really like looking at female posteriors”. But he is puzzled that males would pay with juice to see high-status males, but would not look at them for very long.

so already we can see this is a problematic study, immersed in patriarchal structure. feminsiting has a post today about science being used to objectify (human) women.

But what about the monkeys? they were “housed in captivity”.  And someone tells me about this study and expects me to be thrilled because no monkey’s were “physically harmed”(quote from self proclaimed nice guy)? Um… vegan here, I’m for autonomy of creatures. that means I’m against captive animals as a slave class for experimentation, regardless of the nature of the experiment.

And onto the issue of consent. This is the biggest issue involved. I don’t know about you, but If I was hanging around and people took pictures of my genitals and butt, and then sold it as porn to someone else, I’d feel angry and violated. But we can do that to monkeys, and its no big deal. More specifically, we can do that to FEMALE BODIED monkeys and it is  SCIENCE.

But you know what? People do this to FEMALE BODIED PEOPLE too. and there is no recourse. If I’m at a nude beach, and someone takes a picture to use as porn, that’s sick right? but shit like this happens, and it is legal, since I’m in a public place. CREEPY. Even if it were illegal, I can’t go to the cops. That could close down the beach, and everyone would “know” its my own fault, and really I wanted it anyway because otherwise I wouldn’t have been naked and teasing men with my nudity.

so this whole taking pornographic pictures without consent issue is both personal and political.

Just more evidence that female bodies are the bodies of the sex class. To be used by men, for sex and porn whenever they want to.  Whether it is male scientists using female monkey bodies to observe monkey objectification, or male monkeys paying to view female bodies as a commodity. Or if it is male humans jerking off in public at a female body who is minding her business and just wants to enjoy the beach. Female bodies are only good for sexual gratification of men and to hell with what women think about it.  Guess what that looks like to me: rape culture.

but you know, getting upset about this hurts the feelings of all those liberal nice guys who really do respect women “both as a group and as individuals”, but who still find this study awesome. /snark.

In another blog

Paraphrased summary:

ME: I’m almost becoming an anarchist because cops don’t seem to protect women from violence and rape anyway and are just used to enforce rules to help the government not the people.

Would be MRA: but cops are GOOOOD

Me: but domestic abuse it BAD and nothing is done…they are useless

Would be MRA: but women should just leave abusers.  and then if it continues get a restraing order.  Then cops are GOOOD!

*******

Ah yes.. the offtopic victim blaming.  I wanted to talk anarchy and the ineffectiveness of “law” in those cases.  He wanted to talk about how those cases are the women’s fault.

GGGAAAAHHHH

EDIT:

Me: don’t victim blame

Would be MRA: I didn’t!  I never said “I blame the victim”

I finally did what I should have at the beginning.  deleted some of his posts and blocked him.  I just really WANT to believe that people can be reasonable, keep on toppic and not be assholes.  

(more…)

Published in: on September 18, 2008 at 4:19 am  Leave a Comment  
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headdeask.. well head-breakfast-table.. yes litterally

a few days ago I read an article in the NZ herald.  It was some old white guy talking about how we should expect 14 year olds to gang rape people because of the sexualised nature of current society.   The background is that two 14 year old boys abducted a 14 year old girl and violently dragged her into a house and then raped her.

 “But we know that a lot of 14-year-old girls and younger are having sex, even if only from the abortion statistics for last year, which recorded 104 abortions performed on girls aged between 11 and 14. “

he could mean a few things by this right?

  1. because if young girls have sex and abortions they make men rape them.  it’s their fault! 
  2. not only do they make men rape them, but they probably deserve it as punishment for having sex and abortions.

“I have argued for years that sex education in schools, particularly that which begins before children even get near the age of puberty, let alone the age of consent, is simply an invitation for them to begin experimenting”

See. those pesky liberals are making young men rape women!  it’s becuase we gave them condoms.  condoms cause rape.  all sexual experimentation causes rape!

“(It always makes me crack up when I read of the nicotine Nazis going crook about smoking in movies or on TV. It’s a funny old world when actors can indulge in uninhibited sex on screen but woe betide any who light up a fag.) “

Ok this is not as on topic… but I really get pissed when people fighting for health and more rights are refered to as “nazis”.  if when someone smoked we then put them in a “work camp” and then had them shower in noxious gas so they died… then call us nazis.  I think it is not only unfounded name-calling it trivialises the exterminiation of an entire group of peoples.    Anyway he just lost the argument by Godwin’s Law.  but back to the bit about how rape is not the rapists fault.

And as for the internet: type “sex” into Google and, in a fleeting 0.6 of a second, the search engine will present you with 851 million relevant pages; type in “porn” and it will bring up 271 million pages.

Thus, considering the power of the primal urges that afflict young men and women, their ignorance of how to handle them and the temptations put in their way, it is unsurprising that things happen such as those which allegedly occurred in West Auckland last weekend.

because rape is a primal urge of men that must be satiated?????  And didn’t you say that giving them information is bad?  because comprehensive sex ed makes them experiment with rape?