what the hell do I do about nice guys

I’m living in a hostle in an 8 bed dorm at the moment.  mostly women in the room itself.  The building holds about 40 people total I think.  It’s really fun even.  But one guy is bothering me a bit.

I mean, I get on with him quite well, he’s intelligent, witty, funny.  But I, being myself after all, will go on about issues that are important to me.  Or mention “taboo” subjects that others might shy away from.

And he freaks out everytime he hears the word “vagina.”  I know a guy doing that isn’t news.  Many men, and even women i might add, have issues with the word vagina.

And Yes, I know i should be saying Vulva half the time I say vagina.. but it’s a coloquialism…or something……Alright I’ll do better next time.

anyway.  I mentioned how I was with my sister when she gave birth and it was really cool, though a bit weird to be looking at my sister’s vagina.   And he shuddered.  to be fair “penis” bothers him a little too, (though not as much)

So do I just keep saying “Vagina” around him in the hopes he will become desensitised?

or is there a better solution.  He agrees with many of my feminist points when I actively make them.  but says standard “nice guy” misogynistic crap as well.  Like when he’s the only guy in the room, “I guess we won’t be watching stargate”  It took me a while to get that women don’t like stargate…..  yeah… he totally “gets” it doesn’t he….

but point out every offence would totally mess up the good vibes of the hostle.  and I do have to live there.  so I will just focus on the one issue at the moment and the really obnoxious ones.

nice guys are the worst.  because they mean “so well”.

It’s like he sees me as a person but all women he doesn’t know are totally alien creatures that are different from men.

ok.. I’m just ranting and repeating at this point. so I should stop typing.


Menstruation is Good

I’m not being sarcastic.   It is good for the body and reminds me that I am woman with all that comes with it.  

I am currently menstrating so it is on my mind a bit.  I really wish I could shake the world by it’s shoulders and get it to realise that a monthly flow is not gross. ProFeministe Male supports me leaving my vagina as is, but the industry doesn’t.

I mean without this function none of us would be here. my vagina is clean and smells like a vagina. I use a diva cup because it is tidier and doesn’t cause tss. no string hanging down to carry bacteria up inside me.  Occasionally if I don’t want anything inside of me I will use a pad.  I’m hoping to get Glad Rags so that I’m not adding to landfills when I do that.

Just two days ago I was running into problems that people have because I admit to bleeding about once a month. I was a bit worried because I was late, (not so late I was freaking out and heading to the pharmacy, esp since I use spermacidically lubricated condoms) and I mentioned this to a male friend. He freaked. we were in public! his main concern? “Keep your voice down!” So I did what any immature recently out of college youth would do: I continued talking about vaginas and menstration. I even called out “menstration” after him at one point when we were leaving a gellato place in china town SF. Most of the comments weren’t that graphic, such as, “I need to hang out with menstrating women, my body is really sensitive to syncing up with other people”

If you are a girl and you are reading this and think that anything I’ve said is gross, or I’m crazy to mention menstration to a guy. Let me tell you:

Your body is fine. Your vagina is wonderful. Your vagina is beautiful.

 You do not need to lemon scent it, you do not need to hide it’s monthly flows. It is how it should be.

do not be afraid to touch it, or have it touched (lovingly).

it is not dirty. It is the place from which life springs. It is the place from which orgasms spring. Rejoice.

You are wonderful.