because rape and tasers are hilarious.

This was linked to on facebook by a liberal dood friend of mine, and “liked” by a few womyn. The friend part is not sarcastic. Just shows that even people like my friends, who really do care about social justice and equality, don’t quite get what I mean by rape culture. Nor do I think they want to. Takes re-evaluating their lives too much.

Anyway, the end of this video, the obnoxious main character is anally raped with a taser. WTF? This is comedy. Because rape is funny if it happens to men.

But it is even more than that. it is raping someone with a lethal weapon. Normalizing violence. Normalizing police brutality.

And people tell me I’m the man hater? Look around. did you laugh at this video? do you think it is funny when a male prison rape scene is alluded to or depicted in a comedy? who laughs at this? I’m guessing some of the people who think I’m a “man-hating bitch” do. I’m guessing some faux-feminist men, who think that showing men weak is what feminists want to see, will laugh. (I actually had a male “feminist” friend of mine say a guy got what he deserved when a woman didn’t tell him she had and STD when he didn’t want to use a condom. ummmmmm wha…?)

Back when I wrote the post on why media depictions of sexual violence against men is a feminist issue, I did not have the benefit of having read Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl. While I don’t quite agree with every thing she says, I do like how she defines traditional sexism as against femininity instead of against women. This type of sexism can be manifest towards males and females. I think this is a case of that.


because we’re too lazy not to torture and kill.

Why is it difficult to get people to agree that it is wrong to torture and kill and rape living beings for our convenience?

I had a whole bunch more to say, but I think the above sums it up.

Published in: on March 20, 2009 at 1:08 am  Leave a Comment  
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Demetri Martin and Rape Culture

I am sad. Very Sad. I had been looking forward to “Important Things with Demetri Martin” for ages. Last Wednesday my wait was over, and I could bask in the silliness of one of my favorite comics! Or so I thought.

Alas, though it had some funny parts, many jokes weren’t up to his normal level of funny. This alone would not prompt a negative response as I was a huge fan girl and would defend a poor joke in the name of “I-want-your-DNA-for-my-baby-ness.” But check out the tense in that last sentence. “Was.” It really pains me to say this, but I don’t think I can support this new endeavor by my former hero. I remember being upset a couple of times by jokes but the one that sticks out in my mind nearly a week later was about a “time pimp”.

a regular guy finds a time machine and goes throughout history “seducing” womyn to be a time pimp. “Seducing” is in quotes because it is really rape. at least a couple of the circumstances. Rape by circumstance of poverty.

The “regular guy” goes to Ireland during the potato famine with a sack of potatoes. He then approaches a womyn and comments on the famine and shows her his sack of potatoes. She is starving and in need of food and she removes her clothes and we learn he successfully “bangs” her.

This is supposed to be funny? A women is forced into sexual acts through her poverty and no one calls it rape, they call it comedy.

I feel so let down, I feel so betrayed. How could such a clever, kind person be such an ass. When I got to meet Demetri two years ago I was struck by his kindness and patience, speaking to every single fan, trying to sign each individual’s shwag in a unique special way.

I understand we are all products of our culture, but this is someone who had the audacity to drop out of Yale Law School when they had a full scholarship so they could follow their dreams. This is someone who is looks at the world to find juxtapositions and the odd and eccentric in everyday situations. He does this for a living. how could he be so misogynistic?

I just wish I could talk to him about it. In my silly fan-girl-ness I keep hoping there is some sort of explanation. but how do you explain making rape jokes on the premiere of your national TV show?


I suppose it shows a lot about the culture.  That if someone is starving, and you have food, it is ok to withhold that food until they perform sexual acts.  This is normal, this is rape culture.

Of course you know a rapist.

I was tag surfing and came across Luddite Journo’s Post which was commenting on the comments on a post by Kiwi Politico.

and I mean, COME ON. who are these people who have never met a rapist? if 1 in 6 women are the victims of a a rape or attempted rape in their lifetime and 73% of rapes are committed by a non-stranger, do the math.

I have my suspicions about some people and keep my distance. but how many people walking down the street are rapists? maybe less than 1 in 6. but still. how many people are in a grocery store when you go shopping? how many are men? even if it is 1 in 20 you are around them and they are around you. In your families, in your nightclubs, in your churches, at your weddings.

turning a blind eye, or sticking your fingers in your ears and going “nya nya nya” doesn’t change reality. it only creates a culture that makes excuses, a culture that when faced with it will allow rapists to go free. OMG!! that’s rape culture.

Take Back the Night Auckland. Nov. 1st 7pm Aotea Square.

Forwarded for your attention.  (sorry don’t have the attached poster) Please spread the word:

Tena koutou,
We’re writing to let you know about Take Back the Night, which will be held this year in Auckland on Saturday, November 1st.  There will be a rally (with food and speakers) at Aotea Square in Auckland City at 7pm, followed by a march to Basque Park.
Take Back the Night is a long-running international event that asserts women’s right to feel safe at night and to live in a world without rape and violence. It is an event that raises awareness of and bears witness to the violent crimes perpetrated against women, children, transgendered, and intersexed persons everywhere. It is also an empowering opportunity for women to recognise their shared experiences and unite in the struggle for a world without violence.
From the street to the home, in many spaces women, transgendered and intersexed persons are harassed and subject to many different forms of abuse. These include rape and physical violence, the pressure to conform to men’s expectations, and in some cases, murder – on average a woman in Aotearoa is killed by her (ex-)partner every six weeks. 
By marching, we are powerfully standing together to let the world know that abuse against women, children, transgender, and intersex people is unacceptable, and that all should be allowed to live their lives without fear.

All women, children, transgendered, takaatapui, fafafine, and intersexed persons are invited to join us in ‘Taking Back the Night’. We ask men to support Take Back the Night by respecting our need to organise independently against violence and to use this time to ask how they can best fight rape and violence.
To present a strong message it would be fantastic if we could get a big number of marchers. Please pass this email on to interested persons, tell your friends, whanau, colleagues and neighbours, and print out the attached poster. We look forward to seeing you at Aotea Square on November 1st.

In another blog

Paraphrased summary:

ME: I’m almost becoming an anarchist because cops don’t seem to protect women from violence and rape anyway and are just used to enforce rules to help the government not the people.

Would be MRA: but cops are GOOOOD

Me: but domestic abuse it BAD and nothing is done…they are useless

Would be MRA: but women should just leave abusers.  and then if it continues get a restraing order.  Then cops are GOOOD!


Ah yes.. the offtopic victim blaming.  I wanted to talk anarchy and the ineffectiveness of “law” in those cases.  He wanted to talk about how those cases are the women’s fault.



Me: don’t victim blame

Would be MRA: I didn’t!  I never said “I blame the victim”

I finally did what I should have at the beginning.  deleted some of his posts and blocked him.  I just really WANT to believe that people can be reasonable, keep on toppic and not be assholes.  


Published in: on September 18, 2008 at 4:19 am  Leave a Comment  
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rape- that’s one of those crime things, right?

Wouldn’t it be great to live in a world where rape was illegal?  oh wait… technically it is. But effectively it is permissible in every culture I’ve lived in.  (USA and UK).    I’d like to believe, as my father does, that people are held responsible for their actions.

 My father overheard me talking to my mother about the time a guy grabbed my ass.  He was upset.  “that’s illegal, that’s assault! we have laws about that sort of thing, at least in America!”  (I was in the UK at the time).  But where is this America that he lives in?  None of the kids that beat him up in elementary school for having a funny name were charged with assault.  Since when do we care about bullies?  And since when do we care about sexual harassment?  Yeah I was pissed off about it.  And Yes, I had to avoid him and stop participating in clubs I enjoyed as I wanted to avoid the guy.  And yes it’s wrong that it had to happen that way, when HE was the perpetrator. 

 But it was such an insignificant issue compared to the sexual crimes committed on a regular basis that have no repercussions for the perpetrator. 

I heard once that 1 in 6 women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime ( and no, ass grabbing isn’t included in that ).  where are the trials to match?  where are these rapists?  mostly walking free. 

 Women are taught to stay silent.  If they speak up they are punished.  Because in this culture if you say you were raped, it is most likely your fault for being slutty.  In this culture if you have ever said yes to sex in any context, it is assumed you gave consent in all others.  (anyone ever hear of the virgin/slut dichotemy?)

we live in a culture where women are denied rape kits. And victims are not allowed to use the word rape in court. And then when she counter-sued the suit was thrown out.

 There is still debate over whether legally a husband is raping his wife if he forces sexual intercourse on her.

What I’ve highlighted is only the tip of the iceburg. grrrrrrrr. Oh and by the way, rape is also apparently funny if it happens to guys. (how many movies do you see the bad guy go to prison and everyone is delighted he’s getting it up the ass? it’s not cool. or in Sorority boys (yes I watched it) a guy date rapes someone, but it’s ok because he thought it was girl, but it was actually a guy.. so it’s hilarious instead of horrible.) Just no… do you hear me? It’s not ok.

and people wonder if feminism is still relevent in this day and age. i have friends who don’t believe in the patriarchy and/or don’t think a rape culture exists.

I wish I lived in that place too.  Instead I live where when she finally comes forward her face is in tears, begging me not to tell anyone because she is just so ashamed.  She wouldn’t tell me who did it.  I will never forget who she looked when she said, “I thought he was my friend.. why would he do this to me?”  But she was silent.  She didn’t need to wait for an external force to blame her, living in this country in a big city on the west coast, she still knew “it was her fault”.  She was a woman after all.