Blogger is shocked that women are treated as objects

wait, no. I’m not shocked at all.

If you are naked at all, and a woman, it is only for the purpose of sex and men.

so many commenters on this Even the title of article lets us know that, silly women, don’t you know breasts are for men?

I doubt the women were “shocked” that men wanted watch them. They were making a point. Women cannot safely walk down the streets with the same rights as a man.

on woman say “We should be able to walk down the street and not have this many men taking pictures of us.”

I agree. Commenters of course say, “be realistic.” It is comepletely unrealistic to hope for equality. maybe it is, but I think that is too fatalistic. They are also accused of being “hypocritical biotches” because they are only doing it to get attention! (those slutty slut sluts).

It is not right that women may get naked for men. That his is acceptable and the only way for women to get naked. Why are we not allowed to be naked for ourselves? because it is hot? because we don’t like tan lines? because at that moment my shirt is tugging all weird like and the tag is itching me and I want to take it off?

but that’s right. either we are wrongfully distributing the property of one man, or we are now the property of all men. Yeah. I know, this isn’t shocking either. what’s it called again when men feel complete entitlement to women’s bodies? oh yeah… RAPE CULTURE

headdesk.

Advertisements

in which my dad is not completely fail.

my dad just got a new bass player for his band, which was a bunch of dudes. Now it is a bunch of dudes, and a woman. which is sometimes an untenable position. She is also trans*. I don’t know which ending to that word or if trans alone is her preference when she feels the need to discuss that part of her life.

anyway. I barely said hello to the band all night. I went to watch TV with my mom. I went to go get a piece of cake from the freezer (on the other side of were they were practicing), and noticed that almost everyone had left except for one guy. as I was passing by with my newly acquired cake, I hear the band mate say something out of earshot. My dad, in a moment of win, replies “she, SHE , it’s not easy for me either , but I’ll get used to it. it is important to respect peoples preferences”

It is not complete automatic acceptance, but it is good faith and respectful of the pronouns she prefers. not only that, it is standing up to someone who is not respecting the pronouns she prefers. (I would add identities not preferences is preferable, but it was such a leap forward I hate to diminish the achievement)

Of course I only categorize the evening as “not completely fail” because of an exchange after the last band member finally left.

I wanted to provide positive reinforcement so I thanked my father for correcting his band mate. and he said something like “I wasn’t sure how the band would react, but most of them feel like me, as long as it can play, then whatever”

I cringed! I might have literally done a facepalm. I informed my father that no one likes to be referred to as “it”. He explained that he wanted to say something gender neutral, to express the views of the band. I understand his intent and all, and I understand how annoying it is that there is not a generally accepted gender neutral tone (not one accepted enough so I can use it in a scholarly paper or anything like that) but, FACEPALM I say. So I informed him of zie and hir. so that was a bit fail. but not completely. My dad is respecting an individuals identity and wishes, even though they are foreign to him. so it is a step.

Ironically I was discussing various identities with my mother a few days prior (gender identities, sexual identities and polyamorous vs monogamous). I was saying that all of these were on a spectrum, and had to inform her of the Kinsey Scale to talk about the others having a continuous scale like that. (though I didn’t bring up asexuality) . My mother’s response was, “well, I’m not likely to meet any of those people, so I don’t need to know about this stuff.”

Granted she hardly ever meets anyone since she is introverted and mostly retired, so she can do what she likes. But she teaches a yoga class. you don’t know who in your class identifies as what. “those people” are everywhere!!!

It is privileged attitude that “they” exist somewhere else away from “us”. I was getting frustrated with the conversation because I was trying to “gently” explain the consequences of our various privileges. She understands the “I don’t get targeted for violence” part of privilege, but not much beyond that. It was getting really frustrating trying to explain that we need more positive lgbtqi characters in mainstream stories. she kept saying that “they” already have some gay films, so they should be happy with that. (headdesk).

So I gave up. I was about to get upset, and it would not have done any good.

This is what a feminist looks like, and it isn’t like me at all

****transcript to come later. sorry******

Something has always irked me about the shirts and buttons that read “this is what a feminist look like”. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but now I think I get it.

The subtext is that what you think feminists look like is wrong. We’re not ugly and hairy!

Um…………..

(yes the ellipses needed to be extended that much.)

In advertising campaigns like the one above and other places on teh interweb, the womyn stating “this is what a feminist looks like” are mostly thin, usually white (especially if they have a greater speaking role), able-bodied, almost always make-up wearing, with legs shaved (if they are shown), or showing embarrassment at not having their legs currently shaved. The men that are claiming the label don’t have such stringent beauty requirements.

One make-up-ed womyn has pink hair! how alternative! they are throwing me a bone. How “individualistic”.

It reifies the gender normative world we live in. One man even says “I’m a feminist, though I do like to wear a lot of make-up.” LOLZ! Isn’t that hilarious! Its funny because men and feminists aren’t supposed to wear make-up! see it’s a joke, because he is a REAL man who doesn’t do that girly thing.

It doesn’t only leave me out, but it is the epitome of liberalism. It is saying:

Yes we are feminists, but look we’re still pretty! We don’t go TOO far. We’re not like those crazy hairy legged butch girls that don’t take the time to pretty themselves up. Those people are the radicals and can be safely ignored while faux-feminist men can pretend to agree with us because we are still fuckable, and are even really great in bed.

and the men who are “feminist” don’t have to have their masculinity challenged. They are still REAL men!

Does anyone else get that sense? I may be exaggerating for effect, but I think that is what bothers me. I don’t want to discourage womyn who are currently performing femininity from being feminists. But at the same time I think that focusing on the “look” of such people (and trying to show that that “look” falls within accepted cultural norms) is counter productive. Shouldn’t we be focusing on their views of female oppression and their personhood instead of how feminists “look”?

I understand wanting to reach out to people who are afraid of the “f-word”. But diluting the movement can have the the same effect as it being co-opted. Eventually you might even get a person who is anti-choice and makes women pay for their own rape kits calling herself a feminist.

Wait. that already happened? Oh.

I’ve decided my legs are like Stitch:

From Lilo and Stitch:

Capt. Gantu: You’re vile! You’re foul! You’re FLAWED! [smashes hand on Stitch]
Stitch: Also cute and fluffy!

fuck what the world thinks, my legs are cute and fluffy!

Published in: on November 24, 2008 at 5:46 pm  Comments (1)  
Tags: , , , ,

rape- that’s one of those crime things, right?

Wouldn’t it be great to live in a world where rape was illegal?  oh wait… technically it is. But effectively it is permissible in every culture I’ve lived in.  (USA and UK).    I’d like to believe, as my father does, that people are held responsible for their actions.

 My father overheard me talking to my mother about the time a guy grabbed my ass.  He was upset.  “that’s illegal, that’s assault! we have laws about that sort of thing, at least in America!”  (I was in the UK at the time).  But where is this America that he lives in?  None of the kids that beat him up in elementary school for having a funny name were charged with assault.  Since when do we care about bullies?  And since when do we care about sexual harassment?  Yeah I was pissed off about it.  And Yes, I had to avoid him and stop participating in clubs I enjoyed as I wanted to avoid the guy.  And yes it’s wrong that it had to happen that way, when HE was the perpetrator. 

 But it was such an insignificant issue compared to the sexual crimes committed on a regular basis that have no repercussions for the perpetrator. 

I heard once that 1 in 6 women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime ( and no, ass grabbing isn’t included in that ).  where are the trials to match?  where are these rapists?  mostly walking free. 

 Women are taught to stay silent.  If they speak up they are punished.  Because in this culture if you say you were raped, it is most likely your fault for being slutty.  In this culture if you have ever said yes to sex in any context, it is assumed you gave consent in all others.  (anyone ever hear of the virgin/slut dichotemy?)

we live in a culture where women are denied rape kits. And victims are not allowed to use the word rape in court. And then when she counter-sued the suit was thrown out.

 There is still debate over whether legally a husband is raping his wife if he forces sexual intercourse on her.

What I’ve highlighted is only the tip of the iceburg. grrrrrrrr. Oh and by the way, rape is also apparently funny if it happens to guys. (how many movies do you see the bad guy go to prison and everyone is delighted he’s getting it up the ass? it’s not cool. or in Sorority boys (yes I watched it) a guy date rapes someone, but it’s ok because he thought it was girl, but it was actually a guy.. so it’s hilarious instead of horrible.) Just no… do you hear me? It’s not ok.

and people wonder if feminism is still relevent in this day and age. i have friends who don’t believe in the patriarchy and/or don’t think a rape culture exists.

I wish I lived in that place too.  Instead I live where when she finally comes forward her face is in tears, begging me not to tell anyone because she is just so ashamed.  She wouldn’t tell me who did it.  I will never forget who she looked when she said, “I thought he was my friend.. why would he do this to me?”  But she was silent.  She didn’t need to wait for an external force to blame her, living in this country in a big city on the west coast, she still knew “it was her fault”.  She was a woman after all. 

Menstruation is Good

I’m not being sarcastic.   It is good for the body and reminds me that I am woman with all that comes with it.  

I am currently menstrating so it is on my mind a bit.  I really wish I could shake the world by it’s shoulders and get it to realise that a monthly flow is not gross. ProFeministe Male supports me leaving my vagina as is, but the industry doesn’t.

I mean without this function none of us would be here. my vagina is clean and smells like a vagina. I use a diva cup because it is tidier and doesn’t cause tss. no string hanging down to carry bacteria up inside me.  Occasionally if I don’t want anything inside of me I will use a pad.  I’m hoping to get Glad Rags so that I’m not adding to landfills when I do that.

Just two days ago I was running into problems that people have because I admit to bleeding about once a month. I was a bit worried because I was late, (not so late I was freaking out and heading to the pharmacy, esp since I use spermacidically lubricated condoms) and I mentioned this to a male friend. He freaked. we were in public! his main concern? “Keep your voice down!” So I did what any immature recently out of college youth would do: I continued talking about vaginas and menstration. I even called out “menstration” after him at one point when we were leaving a gellato place in china town SF. Most of the comments weren’t that graphic, such as, “I need to hang out with menstrating women, my body is really sensitive to syncing up with other people”

If you are a girl and you are reading this and think that anything I’ve said is gross, or I’m crazy to mention menstration to a guy. Let me tell you:

Your body is fine. Your vagina is wonderful. Your vagina is beautiful.

 You do not need to lemon scent it, you do not need to hide it’s monthly flows. It is how it should be.

do not be afraid to touch it, or have it touched (lovingly).

it is not dirty. It is the place from which life springs. It is the place from which orgasms spring. Rejoice.

You are wonderful.