its not just straight men who hate you

I just unsubcribed from reading Box Turtle Bulletin

It has been MONTHS since Carrie Prejean made her comments on the Miss USA stage, or whatever it was.  Can we please get over it?  She’s no longer Miss CA.  So WHO cares?  When she makes more comments we can talk about how those comments are innapropriate, hurtful etc.  I have not problem with that.

But I am SICK of the slut shaming mysogynistc bull shit that is the Glbt movement.  A bunch of men sitting around talking and blogging about what a slut she is.  She has sex tape.  I understand that it is seemingly hypocritical.  And drawing up her logical inconsistancies may be appropriate.  but really, you don’t have to be so fucking mysogynistic when you do it.

Like say with the blog title “Carrie Prejean even sluttier than you thought”.

And then the half hearted apology today really pushed me over the edge.  Apparently Ms Prejean tried to distance herself from the video.  First calling it disgusting and claiming it wasn’t her. so BTB idea of an apology is to use her words to slut shame her instead of their own.

Now I certainly can’t speak for all of our readers, but if this video showed what I think it showed, then I am sure that there are a number of the fellas that would agree with Carrie that, “Ewwww, that’s disgusting.”

Commenters guess that she is on her menses when the video was made. apparently womyn’s bodies are disgusting when they are doing something perfectly natural (and dare I say lubricating). Yeah. slut shaming with a side of self loathing for your bodies natural processes.

I use a diva cup, i get personal with my menses. FUCK YOU. my period is part of who I am. If you hate menstruation you hate women.

I don’t know if that was the authors interpretation. I have to stretch my imagination for sexual things that are “disgusting”. I’m sure there are plenty but not many that I think would be on this video.

I really hate it when people fighting for a cause i believe in use such misogyny. It means I have to spend my time defending people that I would just spend my time disagreeing with.

This is not the first incidence that Box Turtle Bulletin has done this. this is not my first experience with misogyny in the movement. I’m just done. If they legalize lesbian marriage and not Gay male marriage, don’t expect me to help you out. I’m so sick of this.

except I will help. because I believe in standing up against injustice, even if it means coming to the defense of people who have hurt me. I left one last comment there so that they at least can’t claim ignorance of their actions when this happens again.

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PROP 8 UPHELD

Discrimination upheld in the California State Constitution.

Meet at 5pm TONIGHT at 6th and Laurel near Balboa Park.

We Will March on the Hall of Justice at 6pm.

We will Rally at The Hall of Justice at 7PM

Hope to see you there.

If you are not from San Diego check out Marriage Equality USA to find an event near you

CA Supreme Court Ruling on Prop 8

The Supreme court is ruling on prop 8. The Decision is coming down on Tuesday May 26.

In San Diegot meet at 5:00 pm at 6th and Laurel on May 26th to unite for equality. For more info and info for other cities please check out:

http://www.marriageequality.org/

With Love,

NT

slut shaming is no ok even if used on bigots

was reading this on feministing and it got me thinking about how I responded to some one who posted stuff about her nude pictures on facebook and my immediate response was:

” I think people who don’t like people to pass judgment on them shouldn’t make judgments on others based on something as superficial as whether they pose for a nude magazine. While I would never endorse the porn industry I think that telling women they are objects their whole life then shaming them when they act like one in the “wrong” way is inappropriate. there are plenty of issues with this individual, we don’t need to use slut shaming tactics to make a point.”

then someone said “I support her right to express her opinions when she is NOT representing the state of CA.”

To which I replied:

“the issue is not that she is expressing her opinions as Miss California as “our Representative,” it is that if she poses nude we can completely dismiss what she said. we can shame her and our point is more valid.

this is ridiculous reasoning. whether or not she posed nude her comments were oppressive. whether or not she made oppressive comments, slut shaming shames anyone who has ever done the activity in question not just her and is inappropriate.

these statements are true whether or not she is “miss California” and beauty pageants have NEVER represented anything other than a patriarchal prescription of what a woman should be. not cool in general. and never representative of me.”

at which point people started talking posting “but I’m not misogynist, I’m just pointing out hypocrisy.”

headdesk

Published in: on May 6, 2009 at 11:07 am  Leave a Comment  
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fighting the fight with allies, shouldn’t be like this.

this weekend was, well, not so fun.

I think I need to find another cause. And this sucks. I believe in equality. so I can fight that on many fronts, so its not the end of the world. The problem is I don’t have the energy to fight it on all fronts, at the same time. Especially since I don’t feel like I have a safe space now that I’m back in the states. Especially when I have to fight the fight with very little support within a group that is supposed to be a safe space.

I’ve been doing a lot of work fighting for equal marriage. (that’s same sex marriage to all of you who aren’t clued into the lingo.) I’ve been having a few doubts about my involvement.

1. I would much rather abolish the word marriage from legal documents. fundemental unit of the patriarchy and all that.
2. the debate is phrased as any “TWO” people should be able to get married. that leaves out a lot of my friends and their relationships. Polyamorous groups should not be denied hospital visitation rights because only two of the people are really married. There should be a document that says, “hey we’re family, we take care of each other and we have the rights and responsibilities of being family”
3. this document should be available regardless of the sexual or non sexual nature of the relationships. If I want my best friend as my next of kin and we look after each other as family, it shouldn’t matter that our relationship isn’t romantic in nature.

now on top of these concerns, I’m getting fed up with the sexism in the movement. let me retarget that. I’m getting fed up with sexism in the group I’m working with. oh, and the racist comments, and the biphobia, and transphobia and other remarks I probably haven’t even noticed yet. (plus everyone likes to tell me about how they like bloody steak and other products of rape, torture and murder.)

I understand people aren’t perfect. I mess up all the time. I’m still learning about how to mindfully watch my language. But I’d like to think I’m genuinely trying. This weekend was the leadership retreat, so we had a lot of time with each other. We also, largely because i had earlier brought up my concerns, had a discussion about being more mindful in our speech.

It was a very useful discussion as it helped me identify who I wanted to work with more and who I wanted to avoid. I had been trying to take everything with a grain of salt, focus on the issue at hand, all that stuff. but there are some things I can’t ignore. a member of the “team” posted a racist remark on my facebook.

I updated my status to reflect that one of my friends is looking for a home for their dog. the Nice Guy(tm) NG commented and I commented back:

NG: I was going to type something really off message. *lips sealed*
me: you get a gold star for keeping it to yourself. I’m very proud of you.
other dudely man: But now I just want to know Nice Guy(tm)’s off-color comment about dogs. :(
me: I already deleted it. I don’t allow that type of thing on any page associate with me.
NG: You’re so silly Lauren. ♥

now you can guess that there was a comment by the Nice Guy that isn’t shown in this exchange. as i deleted I don’t have the original text, but it was something like: “Plus my Vietnamese friend would be upset if I started talking about how he eats dog”

wha…?

so I deleted. I would have removed the person from being my friend, but we work together. so I had a discussion with the chapter leader. and thats how we ended up with the discussion.

this is in addition to people slut shaming, constant use of the word “bitch”, gossip about how the bi-guy is really gay, (“I mean really.. he’s just sooo effeminate”). wha? in a group that is fighting for “equality”?

in the course of the discussion the racist Facebook comment was brought up by the Nice Guy(tm). he doesn’t get how it’s racist. “I mean, my friend really does eat dog, it’s a true statment!”

wha?

I start getting really upset. he feels upset and “victimized” because I didn’t explain it to him at the time. He doesn’t get it. It is obvious that I should spoon feed him the information. and he’s studied sociology, so he knows about this stuff.

I mean, come on. I call bull shit on that. actually bull shit can be useful as fertilizer, I call carnivore shit on that. because their poo is that much more gross and full of disease. (I love kitties, but they have super icky poo) The point is, if he truly believed it wasn’t “that” offensive, why did he self screen at first. why not just make the statement if its not racist?

so that was awkward for everyone who witnessed our heated argument.

The next morning at breakfast everyone was talking about how if we make everything PC then we can’t do anything, because everything is offensive to someone. the thing for me is, who are we offending. am i offending someone I am at odds with? am I offending the Mormons? because generally my existence offends a lot of people. and trying to not be hurtful to oppressed groups when our individual privilege gets in our way of being compassionate, is different from the “moral Majority” being offended that women want equal pay. (or whatever).

the burden should be taken up by the privileged. This is our way of dealing with our own biases and recognizing ways to improve ourselves as human beings. so the breakfast group completely diminished the impact of the discussion the previous night.

The leadership team is mostly gay men. there is one bi guy, me, another straight girl and a bi girl. could it be at all possible we’d have more women if there were fewer sexist jokes? maybe?

the moment that takes the cake. we go the the park, someone’s boyfriend meets up with us. He has volunteered and as the bf of one of the leaders so he is tagging along on the leadership retreat. At the park he decides to share a joke that someone sent him:

“a man is getting into bed with his wife, she says ‘I have a headacke’ he says, ‘perfect, i’ve just been powdering my penis with asprin, you can take it orally or anally”

what progress. I call him out on it. he tries to backtrack and apologize, “i’m not really sexist”, and “all my female friends thought was funny” because a man talking about forcing his penis in a woman’s mouth or anus
must be hilarious. wtf? yeah.

I get up and go for a walk and call a friend. I need to get away from this person. eventually I come back. I’m tired and I left half my stuff at the house where we are having the “retreat” I end up sleeping there a while, then meeting up with a friend. she lets me know, there are lots of causes, maybe there’s another way to be involved in the issue that is not with this group. those are probably true statements

I have brought in so many volunteers, I have raised so much money for this group. at least I know the money goes back into the community. I do think they use money well as an org. I think that the type of work being done is useful. but I’m too tired to fight all these fights at once.

Peaceful Protest for the Day of Decision

If you are in San Diego, please meet at 6th and Laurel at 5pm on whatever day the supreme court decides the case about prop 8.

we will march either in celebration or in protest.

for more info see the facebook group

not in san diego? Check out http://www.equalitycentral.org/decision-day

Like I said. I know I might be pissed… we can gather angrily but peacefully to raise our voices against hatred and oppression.

Unless of course prop 8 is overturned. then it will be party!!!

Tell everyone you know! We need to “Come out” in force!

I’m scared and mad

I think I can now really identify as an anarchist. I mean, I’m supporting the marriage equality movement because I believe if there is law it should apply equally to all people. But I do believe marriage is an oppressive structure, so in a perfect world do away with it all.

but this marriage equality thing is important. it is so sexist to say a man can marry a woman but a woman can’t. It is sexist to say that a woman can marry a man but a man can’t. it’s all just bull.

And it’s looking like Prop 8 won’t be overturned. The case is about what is legal, not what is right. the result won’t really be known for a while, but I’m so afraid. And I’m MAD. If this is rule of law, fuck the law.

Like Michael Franti said:

Fuck the constitution
are we part of the solution
or are we part of the pollution.

People hold up this document as if it were perfect. As if as humans we should mold our lives for it. But how can we say this about a document that allowed slavery? 3/5 rule said black people were 3/5ths of a person for the population count needed to determine how many representatives a state would get in the House.

Yeah…. Fuck. That. Shit.

If the CA state Constitution remains intrinsically sexist. Fuck it. “when injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty” Don’t know who said it, but I agree.

when the case is decided. If it upholds taking away rights from citizens, how can there not be riots in the streets? and I’m usually the peacenick of the group.

EVE of Justice

Stand up against oppression. Tomorrow the California Supreme court is hearing the Case brought against Prop 8. We are meeting tonight to have a ralley and a candle light vigil.

SD Eve of Justice

4-6 pm in front of the San Diego Courthouse. then a Candle light vigil occur from 6-7 lining the streets of Down Town.

If you are not in San Diego… check the link anyway. There are rallies all over in major cities. come out and support equality.

Published in: on March 4, 2009 at 11:18 am  Leave a Comment  
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I was too quiet

Yesterday I had a bit of an icky experience.  I went to the beach, as I am want to do.   I had a great talk with my new fellow vegan feminist nudist person.  that was all good.  but I started mentioning March Forth on March 4th. (which if you are in San Diego You should go to! Please click the link for more information on marriage equality and the upcoming supreme court case.)

This is what got me into trouble. I mentioned it to one guy who had been fairly friendly in a not creepy way and I he “didn’t believe in it” and had a “different opinion” Now to me an opinion is whether you prefer blue or gold or something like that, not if you think you should take 1,138 rights away from people who love each other. I mentioned how people can’t even visit loved ones in the hospital he deflected. I almost decided to get up and punch him but thought that it wouldn’t go over well with the rest of the beach.

I stood up for equality but was just angry. Which is understandable. my being too quiet happened later.

When everyone was dressed and getting ready to tramp up the hill I was saying my good byes and waiting for people to finish packing and this guy comes up and hugs me. I try to move a bit out of the way but don’t completely disengage. I was just so shocked he would come up to me and so shocked he would impose. So I just let him violate my space.  What makes him think he has the RIGHT to do that?

I feel I should have said no and should have screamed it! should have said “I don’t want you in my personal space” or “you have not been invited to have physical contact with me, do not touch me.” You know SOMETHING. I understand the need to be polite but that is very VERY different than being friendly. I don’t want to talk to people who think a group of people are second class citizens just because they don’t fit into the heteronormative bullcrap paradigm. Ok.. I do want to talk to them, when I’m out doing marriage equality work, but not when I want to relax. not when I’m in a place where I want to feel safe being myself.

And I sure as hell don’t want them to touch me.  Especially in such a friendly way as a hug.