and now for the good news

so though “dubya” is busy destroying The USA’s Rep as a peaceful Law abiding nation (I mean even more so…) I have good news.  That Chamydia test I took came back.  It was definitely one of the weirder texts I have received:

Re: Unitec chlamydia test- Congratulations you don’t have chlamydia! 

 Even though expected, it’s always nice to hear I’m doing well.

Published in: on March 10, 2008 at 7:47 pm  Leave a Comment  
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personal experience of the male libido

We all know men are only after 1 thing.  Sex. Sex. Sex.  right?  I’ve posted on the fallacy (heehee… “Phallus-y” ) of this statement before.  But recent events are bringing it to mind once more.

 the last Two guys I’ve made out with have not wanted to go all the way.   Fellow A it was a mutual sort of agreement.  Fellow B was being a damn dirty tease.  Well it’s not his fault.  People go at there own pace, and “their own pace” is even subject to change at different points of their life.  but man, when you are in that moment and don’t get satisfied…it messes with your head. 

 At least he was honest with himself and me.  As far as I know at any rate. 

 I guess I’m anxious because there are deadlines with everyone I’m meeting now.  People are travelling and moving on.  A month is not a long time so I want to make the most of every frickin’ minute.  Everything happens as it does.  once it has happened there is not changing it.  So I can choose to enjoy someone’s company with a big “maybe” hanging around but no promises.  or I can be bitter and push the situation which will make him uncomfortable and distant.  

 yeah the first option sounds better, but it is difficult to do.  Lessons in patience are definitely one’s I need to learn, so it will not be a useless endeavor.  grumble…grumble.

They are only after one thing!

So I was listening to Stroke9’s “Latest disaster”  The chorus is the supposed song that some girl wrote about him.  (I think he thought of the chorus and was all like, “oh snap, this would work better in this gendered society of a girl sang it, I’ll write a song about a girl writing such a song and I can still use it!” (yes I am feeling a bit silly)).

 Anyway the chorus goes thusly:

Get out, get dressed,

you’re just like the rest,

there’s only one thing you’re after.

You’re still the same self-centered bastard.

You stay out all night with your shady friends

just getting plastered.

This relationship’s just my latest disaster.

So of course I try to relate. “oh yeah, guys are only after one thing,” I think to myself. and when I think back on my relationships, it is mostly true. not 100% but a fair many guys I’ve known in college and recently are after only one thing: Marraige and stability. ok that’s two things, but they are related.

There was Tim who wanted to find a wife before graduating from college because, “where else will I meet some one.” David had a similar view if I recall.

Then of the ones I dated. Terence wanted to marry me, kind of. He was odd. Then there was Steve Who didn’t date me because, “I like you too much and you’re leaving” (in 7 months… ) Apparently the heartbreak would be too much. or Alex Who I thought I was having a fling with. When I got stressed I broke up with him. It was right before my semester abroad. his response, “but I’m ok with you having no time for me, I’m ok with you going away for a while” EEEK! run… I thought it was clear when I left we’d break up. Well I’ll have to be more clear next time. Dougie wanted to follw me to the ends of the earth. I had to break up with him, or I would never escape. He was so sweet otherwise though.

I’m being a bit sarcastic. Very few people are only always after ONE thing. I’m sure lots of these guys had flings as well as relationships. I’ve done both. Oh.. wait a minute.. it’s like, PEOPLE want different things at different times of their life and it isn’t necesarily related to their gender. What? My goodness that’s like gender deconstruction.

I’m done being sarcastic and snarky… no really.

I heart Planned Parenthood

I was thinking about this more as the controversy over IL is still looming.  So I thought I’d share my experience with them. 

 First off, I’ve never had an abortion and I’ve never been pregnant. 

 But when I was in Highschool I sure didn’t want my mom to know I was considering having sex.  (Even though, looking back, she probably assumed I was sexually active WAY before I was.) 

I was on my parents health insurance so I didn’t want to go through a docter like that, but I was a teenager and didn’t have money to pay out of pocket to see a doctor about my questions.   I was dating an older guy (26) , but was 18.  So everything was legal, just darn awkward. 

 At the time I wasn’t even sure when I was going to “do it.”  I was a virgin.  I’d been dating “old” (as my highschool friends called him) for about 6 months.   I loved him, so I was pretty sure I wanted to have sex with him, but was terribly afraid.  (I’d never even used tampons. ) But I wanted to be prepared.  My sister had an unwanted pregnancy (that turned into a beautiful and very wanted child) just the previous year.  But I was going to go away to college.  I couldn’t have a baby, I needed to go to college.

I went down to the clinic with my then boyfriend.  I was so nervous.  I anxiously asked if he would take an STD test and he agreed.  I was so afraid and I’m still not sure of what.  I wanted him to come with me to the back, but it was against policy.  (a sound one in case some one is in an abusive relationship or something.)  At the time that made me feel a little alone.  Here I was to talk about SEX.  Something that was mysterious and, well, not supposed to be talked about.

So I got on the pill, and they handed me lots of condoms.   

It was because of them that I was never in a postition that I had to choose. 

 This sentiment is echoed here and here.

YAY for truth and knowledge.

On Hooking Up

It seems like I’ve done nothing but sift through links  about Laura Sessions Stepp as I’m reading blogs recently. The short of it is she has a book on “the hookup culture” that is ruining today’s youth.  or something. 

I pretty much agree with what everyone else is saying.  So I don’t want to blog about that.  But it has got me thinking about my views about me “hooking up” as I haven’t really done it much.   (so much for the “hooking-up culture”)

In theory I think it could be great.  In practice I have turned it down several times.   Why? (this is as much a question to myself and the following is unorganised introspection)

 Well in college I was completely shut down physically.  I was in emotional upheaval for the better part of it.  I was not in a place I could emotionally or physically connect with other people very well.  But I got my degree!  So yay? 

Reasons for being so disconnected from my physical needs:

  1. poor sleep habits
  2. drinking alcohol
  3. eating fried foods
  4. paranoia

 This is college life right?  Never again.  But let’s look at #4.  when I was in highschool my sister got pregnant.  She was 19.  She is now a stay at home mom with a highschool diploma.  my first (and only at the time) experience with sex was so emotional that I couldn’t imaging seperating the act from the emotion. 

I was afraid if i had sex I wouldn’t get my degree.  I was afraid i wouldn’t get my degree anyway.  (My dad almost finished colleged but dropped out in the end.  (but I did get my degree.. at a detriment to my health and well being, but I did it!))

But it was more than that.  I was chronically depressed and stressed out.  None of the situations I found myself in felt “right.”  In fact some of them were really ‘wrong’ feeling.  Like the time I dated the guy who laughed at my body and was so broke that he could not afford to call me. 

 See I’m really glad I didn’t have PIV with him.  or ever even sucked him off.  And while he was the worst, I never really connected with anyone I actually dated during college.  nothing lasted more than a couple months, and I always wanted to take it slowly.  It was never quite right.  I ended up fooling around and having some amount of Sexual relations, but PIV seemed too invasive and personal with any of the opportunities presented

Skip to my life after college.  There’s only been a year and a bit of it so far. May 18 my life began again!  Well, everything else was going well at the time as well.. but the big moment had it’s seed.  The 18th I met a nice young man who I was having a great time flirting with.  on the 20th he was leaving the state to back to school.  The 18th itself we were both covered in muck and really tired… (there was some college event i crashed at ucsd involving a water slide while in my clothes.)  So the 19th I stole him from the friend he was visiting and for the first time in four years and 10 months (exactly) I had PIV.

It was so much fun.  I was in a place where I could connect with another person even if it was ephemeral.  I knew what I was getting into.  He was studying in Pennsylvania, and I was planning on leaving the country at the end of the year.  There was no way it was turning into anything long distance.  Just one day.  Yes I was sad when it ended, but dammit I took what I could get and thoroughly enjoyed myself. 

The next week I started dating someone else, but it didn’t feel right.  So we didn’t do anything and I broke up with him and that nice young man passed through town for 6 days.  That was a fun week.  it sucked when he left.  but I’m so grateful that i was in a place to take advantage of what was offered.

so my in my limitted experience, hooking up can be very good.  I don’t think I’d hook up with people I’d see on a regular basis afterwards.  I mean what’s the point?  If you have great sex with them, then why not just keep doing it? Then you’re either fuck buddies or in a relationship both of which aren’t really just hooking up.  and who wants to hook up if it’s going to  be bad sex?

so Yeah.. In the past two weeks I found myself a boyfriend.  I’ve actually known him about 2 or three months, but I wasn’t paying much attention at the time as I was proccupied with boys from far away.  we didn’t wait long.  My body has been awakened.  I don’t think I could have waited long.  but again.  it feels right.  it might not feel so right in the near future or when I leave the country, but I’ll worry about that then.

College boys can’t “keep up”

I followed a link from Feministing to this article. 

In response to some guys who may have genuine “problems” 

We need to (say it with me) deconstruct gender stereotypes. Not all women are like those described in the article, likewise not all men thrive on casual sexual encounters.

However men are expected to thrive in such an environment, so they have a hard time saying no, or admiting that they are not up to it.  Now when a woman is pressured into having sex, you can just use extra lube if her body is not responding.  they can be pressured into sex even when their body is saying no.  Men don’t have that option.

The big issue is respect.  It is a human thing.  We should respect eachother and if we do not find someone who’s boundries we are comfortable with, move on. 

 No one should be put into a situation where they feel they must do something sexual.  It should be a giving and pleasurable experience for both people.  (or “all people” if you are into that sort of thing.)

The problem is not that women are become more assertive sexual beings, it’s that men are not allowed to not be assertive sexual beings.  If a woman’s sex drive diminishes for a year or two that’s “normal female behavior” so why should anyone get so uptight about it happening to a guy?

 My issues with the rest of them. 

These guys with problems are complaining that women all want sex on the first date.  Well I’ve only recently emerged from academia and there are lots of women who like to wait.  (in college I was definitely one of them) Where are they meeting these people?  Maybe they need to find different types of people instead of just chasing a skirt that their body is telling them they don’t really want. 

 In terms of Conquest.  Ew.  I do believe there are some guys who get off on it.  if that’s what they are getting off on, and it’s lack of conquest causing their impotence, good riddance.  Who wants that anyway?  I’m supposed to feel sorry for a guy because he can no longer assert his power over me physically since i actually want to have sex?  that’s gross.  Impotence is not the problem in this situation.  

If a guy get’s off because he is able to pleasure his partner.  that’s cool, but because he tricked her into sex at all?  give me a break.  I concede pressure is different than force, but for someone to want to have to pressure me?  that seems dangerously close to them wanting to force me.