Yet another reason our Country’s Obsession with weight is a bad thing

Yesterday my sister’s father-in-law congratualated me on my weight loss. He was astonished! “wow! you can really tell you’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time we were here!”

I felt awkward, and said thank you.

What was I supposed to say to people i hardly know? People I only see a couple times a year (if that)? the truth?

I felt like screaming. If he knew why/how I lost the wait, would it be a congratulation? ]

I lost FSM only knows how much weight (I don’t own a scale). My diet secret is being so depressed that I don’t get out of bed even to eat, sometimes for days at a time. My exercise regime is climbing up tall things, contemplating taking the fastest route down, then reconsidering and taking the stairs.

The first time a peer told me I was pretty, was when I was 13. I had just come back from 2 weeks of the stomach flu and had lost about 15 pounds from not being able to eat.

not much has changed in 14 years. illness causes pain which renders me incapable of eating, but at least I’m SKINNY!

Published in: on November 1, 2010 at 9:53 pm  Comments (1)  
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I’m scared and mad

I think I can now really identify as an anarchist. I mean, I’m supporting the marriage equality movement because I believe if there is law it should apply equally to all people. But I do believe marriage is an oppressive structure, so in a perfect world do away with it all.

but this marriage equality thing is important. it is so sexist to say a man can marry a woman but a woman can’t. It is sexist to say that a woman can marry a man but a man can’t. it’s all just bull.

And it’s looking like Prop 8 won’t be overturned. The case is about what is legal, not what is right. the result won’t really be known for a while, but I’m so afraid. And I’m MAD. If this is rule of law, fuck the law.

Like Michael Franti said:

Fuck the constitution
are we part of the solution
or are we part of the pollution.

People hold up this document as if it were perfect. As if as humans we should mold our lives for it. But how can we say this about a document that allowed slavery? 3/5 rule said black people were 3/5ths of a person for the population count needed to determine how many representatives a state would get in the House.

Yeah…. Fuck. That. Shit.

If the CA state Constitution remains intrinsically sexist. Fuck it. “when injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty” Don’t know who said it, but I agree.

when the case is decided. If it upholds taking away rights from citizens, how can there not be riots in the streets? and I’m usually the peacenick of the group.

personal experience of the male libido

We all know men are only after 1 thing.  Sex. Sex. Sex.  right?  I’ve posted on the fallacy (heehee… “Phallus-y” ) of this statement before.  But recent events are bringing it to mind once more.

 the last Two guys I’ve made out with have not wanted to go all the way.   Fellow A it was a mutual sort of agreement.  Fellow B was being a damn dirty tease.  Well it’s not his fault.  People go at there own pace, and “their own pace” is even subject to change at different points of their life.  but man, when you are in that moment and don’t get satisfied…it messes with your head. 

 At least he was honest with himself and me.  As far as I know at any rate. 

 I guess I’m anxious because there are deadlines with everyone I’m meeting now.  People are travelling and moving on.  A month is not a long time so I want to make the most of every frickin’ minute.  Everything happens as it does.  once it has happened there is not changing it.  So I can choose to enjoy someone’s company with a big “maybe” hanging around but no promises.  or I can be bitter and push the situation which will make him uncomfortable and distant.  

 yeah the first option sounds better, but it is difficult to do.  Lessons in patience are definitely one’s I need to learn, so it will not be a useless endeavor.  grumble…grumble.

rape- that’s one of those crime things, right?

Wouldn’t it be great to live in a world where rape was illegal?  oh wait… technically it is. But effectively it is permissible in every culture I’ve lived in.  (USA and UK).    I’d like to believe, as my father does, that people are held responsible for their actions.

 My father overheard me talking to my mother about the time a guy grabbed my ass.  He was upset.  “that’s illegal, that’s assault! we have laws about that sort of thing, at least in America!”  (I was in the UK at the time).  But where is this America that he lives in?  None of the kids that beat him up in elementary school for having a funny name were charged with assault.  Since when do we care about bullies?  And since when do we care about sexual harassment?  Yeah I was pissed off about it.  And Yes, I had to avoid him and stop participating in clubs I enjoyed as I wanted to avoid the guy.  And yes it’s wrong that it had to happen that way, when HE was the perpetrator. 

 But it was such an insignificant issue compared to the sexual crimes committed on a regular basis that have no repercussions for the perpetrator. 

I heard once that 1 in 6 women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime ( and no, ass grabbing isn’t included in that ).  where are the trials to match?  where are these rapists?  mostly walking free. 

 Women are taught to stay silent.  If they speak up they are punished.  Because in this culture if you say you were raped, it is most likely your fault for being slutty.  In this culture if you have ever said yes to sex in any context, it is assumed you gave consent in all others.  (anyone ever hear of the virgin/slut dichotemy?)

we live in a culture where women are denied rape kits. And victims are not allowed to use the word rape in court. And then when she counter-sued the suit was thrown out.

 There is still debate over whether legally a husband is raping his wife if he forces sexual intercourse on her.

What I’ve highlighted is only the tip of the iceburg. grrrrrrrr. Oh and by the way, rape is also apparently funny if it happens to guys. (how many movies do you see the bad guy go to prison and everyone is delighted he’s getting it up the ass? it’s not cool. or in Sorority boys (yes I watched it) a guy date rapes someone, but it’s ok because he thought it was girl, but it was actually a guy.. so it’s hilarious instead of horrible.) Just no… do you hear me? It’s not ok.

and people wonder if feminism is still relevent in this day and age. i have friends who don’t believe in the patriarchy and/or don’t think a rape culture exists.

I wish I lived in that place too.  Instead I live where when she finally comes forward her face is in tears, begging me not to tell anyone because she is just so ashamed.  She wouldn’t tell me who did it.  I will never forget who she looked when she said, “I thought he was my friend.. why would he do this to me?”  But she was silent.  She didn’t need to wait for an external force to blame her, living in this country in a big city on the west coast, she still knew “it was her fault”.  She was a woman after all. 

My two cents in the vajayay “controversy”

As I don’t watch much tv and I hang out with the old folks, I did not hear the term vajayay until it hit the blogsphere.

 My first encounter with the word was praise of it on feministing.  From there I heard it was popularised by “Grey’s Anatomy” not because the writers felt it was something a woman would say, but because “vagina” is offensive. Another critique is that is sounds childish because of the repitition of sounds, (jayay). Then feminsiting points me to this article.

now Jessica did a wonderful job deconstructing the article at Feministing, but I have a few of my own comments I’d like to make. (and possibly repeat)

Personally I think the word is neither here nor there. It doesn’t offend me particuarly, but i’ve always been hard to offend with a single word out of context. It depends who says it and how that I might be offfended. No, the word itself doesn’t rile me up. it kind of reminds me of Poonani (sp?) which is what my sister and I used to call it. Yes I do think it is childish and if anyone said to me, “I want to stick my dick in your vajaya” I would find it disturbing, or funny or both depending on who said it. It seems like a very nonsexual sounding word. good for discussions of it when you don’t want to sound sexual, or for kids to say, or to relate funny stories about.

 But this guy is rediculous.  He makes me want to scream “vagina” at the top of my lungs over and over again.  

here he claims there isn’t a good word for the female anatomy:

Funny how we’ve never had similar trouble with our own plumbing: pecker, johnson, shaft and rod always seem to do the trick just fine. But things have always been more complicated when it comes to women.

And not just for what we guys call it, but women’s usage, too.

Vagina has always been out there, but it’s never been quite right. It’s uninviting, and seems to have an edge to it. There are plenty of other choices, including the dreaded c-word, which is nasty.

Harvard psychology professor Steven Pinker counts at least 1,200 terms for the vagina in the history of the English language.

But we’ve never settled on any other.

Ummm right you’ve settled on exactly what for the male anatomy? He mentions 4 different words for penis then complains there isn’t a particular universal slang word for vagina.
He then makes euphamistic references to it throughout the article. He maked oh-so-punny references to “the female zone”, “but I refuse to beat around the bush”, “has got us thinking outside of the box”. So he finds nothing wrong with using these other words for vagina, but because there isn’t a universal word it’s just not good enough? Personally I find the idea of a universal euphamism for vagina to be more than disconcerting.

There is nothing wrong with a silly word like vajaya, but if that is the only word we are allowed to use that would mean there would never be a serious discussion of female anatomy again. How would men feel if they wrere coerced into feeling like they had to use the term “ding-a-ling” or (my personal favorite) “rumpleforeskin” to refer to their genitals? Especially if (in this fantasy land) we were allowed to say vagina as many times as we wanted in a tv show about medicince but had to resort to “ding-a-ling” after a couple times of saying the word penis.

Perhaps oppressed? We should not have to settle on a single euphamism for our genetalia, and we should be able to use the clinical term.

The feminists, it seems, have a proprietary interest in female genitalia.

Oh the horror I have a proprietary interest in my own genitals. It is my body, right? I guess he thinks it should be his body, as evidenced by this:

Unlike the starkly clinical vagina, I see a vajayjay as a happy and inviting place, with a warm and fuzzy connotation. Vajayjay says “hello . . . welcome” and “open for business.” “Vagina” screams textbook. “Vajayjay” says Facebook.

Personally I don’t want my vagina to say “open for business”. it is mine to with as I choose. (and I choose very carefully). I only want to welcome those I want. not the whole world, and especially not this writer.

There is one sentence I agree with (and i have to take it out of context to do so):

It has such a sense of taboo that nobody feels totally comfortable talking about it…

Yes it is taboo in this culture to say vagina. but that is why some people are upset with this new word. The word Vigina shouldn’t be taboo. If we use the term more, we can be free from taboo. And maybe the word vagina would be more “comfortable”.
Of course I cut the above sentence in half. in context it is:

Vagina is a tough word that refuses to roll easily off the tongue. It has such a sense of taboo that nobody feels totally comfortable talking about it – not even women, but especially men. So use of the word remains almost exclusively to the feminists

Because feminists aren’t men or women, we are not human. We are outside of humanity. This implication really irks me.

in the end i think that talking about vagina’s is a step in the right direction even if we call them something else. But we should not only call them something else and still need to work toward calling them by their proper medical name.

I went in curious and left amazed. GO SEE THIS IF YOU CAN!

“The Business of Being Born” & Its Effect on Audiences

by Barbara E. Herrera, LM, CPM

I’ve watched fourteen audiences walk into and then out of Ricki Lake’s childbirth advocacy movie “The Business of Being Born,” and the word that stands out is transformed.

Natural birth advocates leave natural birth fanatics.

Pregnant women walk into the movie as patients at local hospitals and walk out with resolute plans to leave their doctors and find a midwife for a birth they know will be safe and respectful.

I’ve role played with women who want out-of-hospital births (or out of unsupportive doctors) after seeing the film, but whose partners (who wouldn’t attend the screening) are fearful – helping them with ideas to get their loved ones to the movie.

And families who were initially hesitant to support a midwifery-attended birth have become ardent supporters intent on converting their misunderstanding friends.

I’m finding it challenging to get the press to either view the movie or to cover the importance of it in our community. It seems some people find natural birth not newsworthy… a big ol’ yawn.

But, how can any thinking person who cares about the effects of hormonal attachment/detachment that occurs during birth in our culture find this unimportant? How could someone yawn about the economics of slicing a person open for convenience’s sake (the convenience of the clock, the wallet and the courtroom)? I would think that someone with any semblance of a heart would “get” that birth as it stands today is abhorrent and a complete overhaul is needed.

This movie explains why it goes far, far beyond having or having not medication at birth… it is an entire mindset of respect for a woman’s autonomy and the understanding that choices in birth create the most amazing human beings that walk in our neighborhoods. Damaged women and babies do nothing but hurt the world… why foster the continuation of such cruelty?

If the right people saw the movie, the word would get out. That is what is so challenging about the publicity surrounding this movie. It has amazing amounts of well-documented –and jaw-dropping – information that relatively few know about. The people seeing the movie could quote the statistics chapter and verse! It’s those that haven’t seen the movie that need to plop their butts in the seats and then they need to tell others about it from their points of view.

If you’re reading this, you can do your part by either attending the movie yourself if it is in your area (check www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com) or sponsoring a viewing.

If you are so inclined to educate the public about the movie, write letters and send fliers to whomever you can – the press, letters to the editor, your email lists, friends, family, support groups, children’s pre-schools, middle and high school health and sex education teachers, women’s studies programs, child development programs, psychology classes, childbirth education teachers, local midwives (including Nurse-Midwives), La Leche League leaders, head nurses on Labor & Delivery floors, friendly obstetricians, chapter leaders of the International Cesarean Awareness Network, local leaders of midwifery organizations, natural clothing stores, cloth diaper suppliers, childbirth educators and lactation educators as well as putting fliers on bulletin boards at natural food stores and attachment parenting baby stores, Babies R Us and other kid-friendly stores and locations.

Together, we can bring more people to know what we’ve known for far too long. Birth can – and should be – an honored and cherished experience, no matter where, or how, it occurs. It is in the knowledge of options and in the light of respect and humanity that birth becomes perfection.

Perfection is rightfully ours.