still off the wagon but wanting back on

What I really wanted to write about is how much I suck at self control.  I mentioned that I wanted to give up chocolate. Well that has failed so far.

I was rationalizing that while I was menstrating it was reasonable to crave such things. But that is now over.

Yesterday I bought a container of Dark chocolate covered rasins. I could have sworn that they were vegan. It wasn’t until later that I noticed “milk fat” on the ingredient list. did this stop me from eating most of the “11 servings” in the container? no. Why not?

oh, because i’m addicted. I could not stop eating them. I now feel slightly ill. I need to quit. I put the rest of them in the lunch room at work so they would “disapear.”

so now I need to go through the withdrawal and have a horrible headache.

it’s hard to listen to your body when you use stimulants (like caffine). It can really fuck up the messaging system. I’m also surprised by how well I can rationalize things I really know I shouldn’t do. (“it has milkfat, but I’ve already pruchased it, so it would be a waste not to eat it” ) Uggh. well it was a waste. now I’m not feeling good and probably won’t for hte next few days I suffer withdrawal and side effects of eating too much sugar. Because refined sugar is icky.. at least it didn’t have high fructose corn syrup.