party in consent culture

I usually don’t drink because I’m afraid. I mean, I don’t consciously think, “I’m uncomfortable with this situation.” But last night I went to a party where I did feel 100% safe. It is only when I juxtapose this to other parties that I realized something was wrong.

Even around my nudist friends, I would not get drunk and naked. I was at a (clothed) party with the nudist crowed, and Rich started hitting on me as soon as he found out I did a shot of tequila. Um…. yeah…. (I use his name because I do not protect the identities of would-be rapists who think they just need a girl with beer goggles to get laid, and don’t consider that to have consent neither party’s judgment can be impaired)

But last night was amazing. I’d known some of the people for a decade. Others were new to me, but they were all screened by my friends. And they were all open and honest about sex and relationships, and lots of them had slept with at least one of my friends. (so not only personality screened, but personality in bed screened) My friends would not sleep with people who did not communicate with all their partners. They wouldn’t sleep with someone who used sex to control and gain power.

It was consent culture. I got really drunk for the first time in many many months. I was talking to this guy about everything under the sun. but I had no fears drunk and chatting. It was safe. When I mentioned I was feeling a little too drunk I handed him my drink. He brought me some water. I started to feel better so we bee-lined to the hot tub. Because of our influence the hot tub quickly became a nude space.

I was sitting in a hot tub in mixed company, naked and drunk. It was just hanging out. It wasn’t sexual towards me. There was sex at the party, there were lots of people who sleep with each other at the party. No one grabbed my ass even in jest.

But can you imagine the court case if I was assaulted in that context? she was drunk, why would you be naked if you didn’t intend to have sex? she regularly hangs out naked with old men that she has hugged! She has had sex more than once before! And she was at least a decade younger than all the other people at the party at a big house! She must have been LOOKING for a rich man or something!

I was drunk so I went to bed there, as many people did. I was half naked in one of the guest rooms (they have a Gi-normous house). But I have no doubt that if passed out completely naked on a couch or bed that I would have been perfectly safe. imagine doing that at a frat party.

It is so wonderful that that house is a pocket of consent culture in a wasteland.

It is fucked up that personal safety is remarkable. But I’m glad it exists at all.

Advertisements

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://nakedthoughts.wordpress.com/2010/01/25/party-in-consent-culture/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. It is screwed up that being female and intoxicated is seen as a justification for perpetrating a crime.

    I miss the safety I found in the rave scene several years ago when I was but a young idealistic thing. Part of my fearlessness was due to inexperience, but the rest of it was due to the fact that I was always surrounded by a group of deeply caring friends and involved in a scene that prided itself on kindness and all things blacklight-reactive. I would share beds, couches, and Pokemon blankets with strangers and always feel perfectly safe.

    It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way at a party!

    • my mom thought I was over-reacting when i mentioned I wasn’t afraid of rape. Because, living in fear of rape is silly.

      but let’s see. during undergraduate It was repeated several times, from several sources, that I should NEVER walk alone at night off campus.

      And have you ever seen any Brink home security adds? (http://current.com/items/91442708_sarah-haskins-in-target-women-broadview-security.htm)

      and the how to not be sexual assault lists? (http://www.fortworthpd.com/sexualassault.htm)

      and if you don’t follow every item on the list, it was your fault. Also, even if you have followed everything on the list, if you have slept with at least one person, once, ever in your life, you were being a dirty slut tease and deserve it.

      Yeah, I’m paranoid because there is no basis for these feeling in the world.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: