why male allies need patience

because LiBerAL Doods and MRAs and Nice Guys (TM) are fucking everywhere.

And I’m sick of it. I don’t want to deal with it. I’m done. its not a great situation for me. my hormones tend to prefer beards and cocks, but I just can’t deal with it anymore. I need a break. I am taking a temporary hiatus from men. not just from fucking them, from them. I don’t want to meet any new men.

If I know you already, you can stay. but I have no interest in befriending new men right now. I do not have the patience to sift through the pile of shit that wants to discuss why I’m doing feminism wrong. and tell me how they NEED to eat meat.

what brought this on? well you really mean “what is the straw that broke this camels back?”

I had a phone conversation at midnight a couple nights ago. that’s right midnight. Some guy from high school saw I was awake online and decided to call me when I was talking online to him. last week in an IM he had asked me to dinner. I said yes. why not.. my facebook is feminist and vegan and nearly gay marriage central. if he can see that about me and want to eat a meal with me, fine. but it was midnight. I was at a friends house (which he knew from the IM.), and he decided it was a good time to call. (ummm o..k..)

I shouldn’t have answered the phone. but I shouldn’t have answered the phone in the same way people shouldn’t drink too much, it doesn’t justify behavior of other people toward them and make things the drunk persons fault.

now it was two days ago and my memory doesn’t work so well when I’m annoyed and tired. so I can’t provide a transcript, but here’s the gist of it:

He started right in asking about the veganism, and telling me that I should respect his culture, because his culture is about eating off the land and that includes eating meat. BECAUSE FACTORY FARMS IN THE US ARE JUST LIKE THAT. blah blah blah, I don’t respect his culture. NEWS FLASH: I don’t respect any culture that is used as a defense of oppression. oh wait, that’s most of them.

any way. he then asked me why I care about gay marriage so much. and I told him the truth. because marriage is a patriarchal structure historically between a woman and her rapist. and that there can be no equality in marriage until it is legally recognized as a partnership between any two PEOPLE. because women should be seen as PEOPLE.

to this he responded that women should be drafted in the military too… its not fair. Feminists don’t stand up for that! but I’m all for equal pay for equal work but women should be part of the draft.

um… how about we should abolish a system that forces any person to be rounded up by the government for the purpose of being shot at.

then he keeping very calm, because maintaining the status quo doesn’t affect him so its all theoretical to him, he tells me that I’m interrupting and getting angry and i should look for ways to fight oppression that are quiet. because black people were quiet during the sit ins in the 60s. and that PROVES that being calm and quiet gets you what you want.

So I let him finish every sentence with 5 extra seconds of silence after he finished and noticed that he kept interrupting me. because MY voice is the one that isn’t important. He told me, “you sound so angry if you sounded less angry people would listen to you more.” I was trying to explain I am angry, and was about to tell him all the reasons we should ALL be angry, but he interrupted me.

after a while I decided I was tired of being interrupted. I was tired in general. It was the middle of the night, he called me, and expected me to be coquettish or something and flirty and compliant. FUCK. THAT. SHIT. I hung up on him. I don’t need to waste my cellphone minutes and my time on that shit.

he then sent an IM to me as I was still logged in, “hanging up on someone isn’t very free thinking”

The Carrie Prejeen defense (or whatever her name is). “but free speech should mean you have to listen to me and not use your words to reply!”

and how many people honestly think its ok to be racist. if you want people to accept people, you are wanting them to think in a certain way. lets be honest about that. you can recognize that you cannot FORCE someone to change they way they are thinking. You can recognize that you should not jail someone for thought or words alone, but I do want to change the way people think.

I want people to think love should be important, I want people to think murder is bad. I want people to think that animals are worthwhile living creatures who should not be raped, tortured, and killed.

when I was in college one girl was being really shitty and mean and she actually said, “but this is just part of who I am you should just accept me.” this is not what I’m about.

so yeah. moral of the story. there will be women who do not trust you if you are a male ally in the feminist fight. but we need male allies. we must all work towards a better future. so please keep organising and working. but know that right now, I can’t deal with you. I can’t educate you, and sure as hell don’t have the patience for you to tell me “yUr doin it RONG!”

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