The life I plan to lead

I like kids.  I would like to have kids someday.  but I’m beginning to think that if my other plans come to pass the lifstyle I will be leading will not be conducive to rearing children or to have successful romantic relationships.

Maybe I’m just being whiny because I think my boyfriend is going to dump me.   But we’ll see.

But what brings it up right now most I think is that I just watched Milk a couple days ago.  He achieved so much, and did such great things for the world.  But (at least in the dramatized movie version of his life) his political activism got in the way of romantic relationships.   There is so much I want to accomplish.  So much I want to be a part of changing.  In terms of mathematics education, civil rights issues and general deconstruction of the patriarchal structure.  Is there time to raise kids if I do that?  Is it selfish to want something that will be such a drain on my time and resources when there are so many who are currently alive who need assistance and resources.  So many causes that need help.

I know most people think it’s ok, it’s not selfish, it’s human nature, or it’s biology.  But Most people don’t acknowledge that women are oppressed, or that gay people deserve equal rights.  So it’s not about what most people think, it’s about how I hope to find peace with my decisions.  And understanding what impact decisions in part of my life have on the other parts.

If I’m PhDing it up and trying to participate in activism at the same time I will have very little time for anything.

I guess I’m already not selfish.  I’ve practically given up my beach for things that are “important.”

but there is always more to do.


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