Power differences and heterosexual relationships

I am generally heterosexual. I’ve been attracted to a few women but never dated any due to logistical reasons. (eg. they were already dating someone or I was already dating someone or both or they just weren’t interested…or they were on the other side of the planet….)

anywho.. I am yet again in a heterosexual relationship. Go me. or something. But it has temporarily become a long distance relationship and I like him more than he likes me. At least, I’m pretty sure this is the case. At least I’m more resolute about how much I like him.

This makes me feel very silly. (and not in the funny hat sort of way.) I only saw him last week and I’m already worried that he feels pestered by my IMs and phone calls. I don’t want to scare him away after all.

It just feels so stereotypical. The woman who wants commitment slyly trying not to frighten away the male. I mean Ewwwwwwwww. Normally I’m on the other side of this exchange playing the part of the frightened commitment-phobe. So its not like I’ve spent my time trying to “trap” a man. but even though 90% of the time I don’t fulfill stereotypes I know that people only remember the 10% you do.

and it makes me feel icky all over. is it unfeminist to follow your heart? popular feminism says no. but maybe it can be. in a post patriarchal world there would be no stereotype to fulfill or not so it would not matter. But I don’t live there.

so I sit dwelling in insecurity (which is not completely unfounded) and wonder “should I call?”

it’s so pathetic. bah. how can I react with integrity towards my political beliefs but still get everything I want?

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Published in: on January 16, 2009 at 12:31 am  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. how can I react with integrity towards my political beliefs but still get everything I want?

    By realizing that the phrase “the personal is political” was never meant to cast a huge judgmental magnifying glass over every aspect of your life – rather, it was meant to illuminate the fact that the little things add up and make patterns. Getting married and popping out a kid makes me no less feminist for following a patriarchal pattern.

    Also, principles are nice, but they aren’t usually very practical. Cloth diapering, for example :P Stay sane and just call the dude already.

  2. You can’t have your cake and eat it too sweetie! But i don’t think you are compromising yourself by calling the guy. Isn’t part of the feminist movement supposed to be having the will and self-confidence to go after the guy you want without being referred to as a slut?

    Oh and check my blog when it comes down to certain aspects about relationships. And i left a comment to your question!

    WilliamCA


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