I don’t want eher to be a jessica stein type experiment

I love a woman.  I have for quite a while.  And she just broke up with her S.O. 

I’m pretty sure she loves me too. 

 But I think I’m really heterosexual.  I really like PIV and well, cocks in general.  I really don’t know if I could do without them at all. 

So what do I do?  She’s two oceans away, but that could change soon.   I don’t want to fuck up one of the most amazing friendships I have, but I don’t want to pass this by either. 

 sooner or later I’ll crave PIV.  I  can feel it.  I don’t want to do that too her. 

 It may all be moot.  She may not want to risk our friendship either.

 I feel like I’m in highschool.  Shouldn’t I have figured out my sexuality by now? and the kicker is if I could completely surrender to gender deconstruction, would it matter if she had a cock or not? 

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Published in: on March 11, 2008 at 5:03 pm  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Heya,

    As you well know, they have invented these silicon-like object known Dildos. Then they invented the ability for a woman to attach said dildo to her personage in such a manner as to mimic the floppy appendage of human male.

    From the videos I’ve seen, and love watching, a woman can even go at it longer. Since they don’t have to worry about all those pesky feelings in the penis they can just go and go and worry only about pleasing their partner. It’s hot. :)

    Or, you know, just find a male whom you both are willing to share. Or she would be willing to share you with.

    Personally, I’d say if you think you can have a good relationship with her, don’t let the lack of cock get in your way. Use a strap-on. If this doesn’t work, then talk to her and try and work something out. Oh, oh, even better, talk to her before hand! Yeah, I like that idea. :)

    Also, do you mind if I fantasize?

    Take care,
    Carl.

    There are of course other issues involved like distance and the chance of messing up a friendship. I’ve done that with lots of guys. messed up freindships by dating. I really don’t want to lose her. but maybe I should stop being a chicken…..

  2. As my girlfriend says, deconstruction is intended to complexify things, not simplify them. It works going from small to big, not big to small. “Surrendering to gender deconstruction” in the way you’re using it has some serious implications I don’t think you’ve considered, especially for transpeople. Why, if we could all just surrender to gender deconstruction, we wouldn’t feel the need to cross-dress, or think that we’re women in men’s bodies!

    I know that’s not what you intended. I’m just saying, be careful when you try to stick theory to real life. It doesn’t always work the way you think it ought to.

    And as far as your relationship goes – well, I’d risk it. “If it’s that good a friendship it probably wouldn’t be wounded by a little experimentation,” I’d be thinking. Plus, relationships go wrong or lopsided all the time, gender issues or no gender issues. “I’m just not that into you” – I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase. It happens, and I guarantee you that it happens among just as many queers as straights.

    Course, you could always just do what other lesbians I know do, and get a nice set of dildos and harnesses. Or learn fisting.

    I didn’t mean it in general even. I’m just frustrated at the moment. I’m confused, a feeling I really don’t like in ANY context. I guess I just feel like If I could just understand one more thing, life would make sense. I I know Yoneda’s lemma I won’t feeel conflicted about a PhD. If I could sort out my feelings for this one person, the rest of my life will come into focus. If I had that much more stability I could raise a family. I don’t want to trivialise anyone’s feelings, but at the moment I’m very entrenched in my own confused head. I’ve got men who give me mixed signals and women who are too far away.

    and I’m not actively sticking anything anywhere at the moment (pun intended).


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