its not just straight men who hate you

I just unsubcribed from reading Box Turtle Bulletin. 

It has been MONTHS since Carrie Prejean made her comments on the Miss USA stage, or whatever it was.  Can we please get over it?  She’s no longer Miss CA.  So WHO cares?  When she makes more comments we can talk about how those comments are innapropriate, hurtful etc.  I have not problem with that.

But I am SICK of the slut shaming mysogynistc bull shit that is the Glbt movement.  A bunch of men sitting around talking and blogging about what a slut she is.  She has sex tape.  I understand that it is seemingly hypocritical.  And drawing up her logical inconsistancies may be appropriate.  but really, you don’t have to be so fucking mysogynistic when you do it.

Like say with the blog title “Carrie Prejean even sluttier than you thought”.

And then the half hearted apology today really pushed me over the edge.  Apparently Ms Prejean tried to distance herself from the video.  First calling it disgusting and claiming it wasn’t her. so BTB idea of an apology is to use her words to slut shame her instead of their own.

Now I certainly can’t speak for all of our readers, but if this video showed what I think it showed, then I am sure that there are a number of the fellas that would agree with Carrie that, “Ewwww, that’s disgusting.”

Commenters guess that she is on her menses when the video was made. apparently womyn’s bodies are disgusting when they are doing something perfectly natural (and dare I say lubricating). Yeah. slut shaming with a side of self loathing for your bodies natural processes.

I use a diva cup, i get personal with my menses. FUCK YOU. my period is part of who I am. If you hate menstruation you hate women.

I don’t know if that was the authors interpretation. I have to stretch my imagination for sexual things that are “disgusting”. I’m sure there are plenty but not many that I think would be on this video.

I really hate it when people fighting for a cause i believe in use such misogyny. It means I have to spend my time defending people that I would just spend my time disagreeing with.

This is not the first incidence that Box Turtle Bulletin has done this. this is not my first experience with misogyny in the movement. I’m just done. If they legalize lesbian marriage and not Gay male marriage, don’t expect me to help you out. I’m so sick of this.

except I will help. because I believe in standing up against injustice, even if it means coming to the defense of people who have hurt me. I left one last comment there so that they at least can’t claim ignorance of their actions when this happens again.

San Diego Pride

I hate that gay men think that no matter what they say or do that it by definition is not misogynistic simply because they are gay. WTF.

It is NOT ok to grab my breast because you are gay.
It is NOT ok to touch me when I’ve explicitly said don’t touch me in that way. It is NOT funny.
It is NOT ok to make comments to womyn about how porta-potties smell like dirty vags’s.

I’m fucking sick of it. I have been fighting really hard for this community. For YOUR fucking rights. and I’m treated as an object. My voice and concerns are not respected. I find it increasingly difficult to remain an ally to the Glbt community. Cisgendered Gay men are pissing me off as a community. it is no longer a community I feel safe in.

and what is really annoying is I was moving house during dyke fest. so a day I could reach out and become a better ally to the non G part of the community I was moving a fucking mattress.

I don’t know what to do. I have male friends I like, but increasingly its just difficult to meet men who respect me as a human. I’m just so pissed. I need to protect myself first. I want to keep being involved in activism. its an important issue. but I don’t want to work with people who view me as just a woman. Privilege is nontransferable. you don’t understand being a “woman” just because you are gay and have your own oppression.

to quote Jay Smooth

We start acting as though coming closer together means not having to care how our words affect each other. We start assuming we can make any kind of joke or use any kind of epithet without a second thought because now that we’ve made all this progress, everyone’s always going to know that we don’t mean it like that. Right?

Nooooo. That is not how this thing is going to work. That’s not how any relationship works. When people come closer together, the boundaries change, but you never stop having any boundaries, in any healthy relationship. And the whole process of getting closer is based on becoming more aware of those constantly evolving boundaries and better at respecting them. That’s how people get to trust each other and be friends. In any healthy relationship, the closer you get, the more you care about how you affect each other. That’s like a basic rule of life.

He was talking about racial interaction. But it applies to all systems of oppression. You do not get assume what boundaries I have. You should not assume access to my body. you should not assume I will think “jokes” (??wtf??) about smelly vags will be funny or even acceptable.

why male allies need patience

because LiBerAL Doods and MRAs and Nice Guys (TM) are fucking everywhere.

And I’m sick of it. I don’t want to deal with it. I’m done. its not a great situation for me. my hormones tend to prefer beards and cocks, but I just can’t deal with it anymore. I need a break. I am taking a temporary hiatus from men. not just from fucking them, from them. I don’t want to meet any new men.

If I know you already, you can stay. but I have no interest in befriending new men right now. I do not have the patience to sift through the pile of shit that wants to discuss why I’m doing feminism wrong. and tell me how they NEED to eat meat.

what brought this on? well you really mean “what is the straw that broke this camels back?”

I had a phone conversation at midnight a couple nights ago. that’s right midnight. Some guy from high school saw I was awake online and decided to call me when I was talking online to him. last week in an IM he had asked me to dinner. I said yes. why not.. my facebook is feminist and vegan and nearly gay marriage central. if he can see that about me and want to eat a meal with me, fine. but it was midnight. I was at a friends house (which he knew from the IM.), and he decided it was a good time to call. (ummm o..k..)

I shouldn’t have answered the phone. but I shouldn’t have answered the phone in the same way people shouldn’t drink too much, it doesn’t justify behavior of other people toward them and make things the drunk persons fault.

now it was two days ago and my memory doesn’t work so well when I’m annoyed and tired. so I can’t provide a transcript, but here’s the gist of it:

He started right in asking about the veganism, and telling me that I should respect his culture, because his culture is about eating off the land and that includes eating meat. BECAUSE FACTORY FARMS IN THE US ARE JUST LIKE THAT. blah blah blah, I don’t respect his culture. NEWS FLASH: I don’t respect any culture that is used as a defense of oppression. oh wait, that’s most of them.

any way. he then asked me why I care about gay marriage so much. and I told him the truth. because marriage is a patriarchal structure historically between a woman and her rapist. and that there can be no equality in marriage until it is legally recognized as a partnership between any two PEOPLE. because women should be seen as PEOPLE.

to this he responded that women should be drafted in the military too… its not fair. Feminists don’t stand up for that! but I’m all for equal pay for equal work but women should be part of the draft.

um… how about we should abolish a system that forces any person to be rounded up by the government for the purpose of being shot at.

then he keeping very calm, because maintaining the status quo doesn’t affect him so its all theoretical to him, he tells me that I’m interrupting and getting angry and i should look for ways to fight oppression that are quiet. because black people were quiet during the sit ins in the 60s. and that PROVES that being calm and quiet gets you what you want.

So I let him finish every sentence with 5 extra seconds of silence after he finished and noticed that he kept interrupting me. because MY voice is the one that isn’t important. He told me, “you sound so angry if you sounded less angry people would listen to you more.” I was trying to explain I am angry, and was about to tell him all the reasons we should ALL be angry, but he interrupted me.

after a while I decided I was tired of being interrupted. I was tired in general. It was the middle of the night, he called me, and expected me to be coquettish or something and flirty and compliant. FUCK. THAT. SHIT. I hung up on him. I don’t need to waste my cellphone minutes and my time on that shit.

he then sent an IM to me as I was still logged in, “hanging up on someone isn’t very free thinking”

The Carrie Prejeen defense (or whatever her name is). “but free speech should mean you have to listen to me and not use your words to reply!”

and how many people honestly think its ok to be racist. if you want people to accept people, you are wanting them to think in a certain way. lets be honest about that. you can recognize that you cannot FORCE someone to change they way they are thinking. You can recognize that you should not jail someone for thought or words alone, but I do want to change the way people think.

I want people to think love should be important, I want people to think murder is bad. I want people to think that animals are worthwhile living creatures who should not be raped, tortured, and killed.

when I was in college one girl was being really shitty and mean and she actually said, “but this is just part of who I am you should just accept me.” this is not what I’m about.

so yeah. moral of the story. there will be women who do not trust you if you are a male ally in the feminist fight. but we need male allies. we must all work towards a better future. so please keep organising and working. but know that right now, I can’t deal with you. I can’t educate you, and sure as hell don’t have the patience for you to tell me “yUr doin it RONG!”

PROP 8 UPHELD

Discrimination upheld in the California State Constitution.

Meet at 5pm TONIGHT at 6th and Laurel near Balboa Park.

We Will March on the Hall of Justice at 6pm.

We will Rally at The Hall of Justice at 7PM

Hope to see you there.

If you are not from San Diego check out Marriage Equality USA to find an event near you

CA Supreme Court Ruling on Prop 8

The Supreme court is ruling on prop 8. The Decision is coming down on Tuesday May 26.

In San Diegot meet at 5:00 pm at 6th and Laurel on May 26th to unite for equality. For more info and info for other cities please check out:

http://www.marriageequality.org/

With Love,

NT

wtf? my 2nd grade self seems to have whitewashed the world

I painted a rock in 2nd grade for class. We were supposed to paint self portraits. I, being the rebellious youth I was, decided to paint my whole family. so I painted just our heads.

I think I did a pretty good job, you can tell who’s who based on the shape of the head and hair. In fact my parents still have it sitting in the entry way of their home.

I picked it up and looked at it today. For the first time I realized that I painted everyone the same color. I gave everyone in my family white person skin. I’m a white person so that part makes sense. but my sister isn’t. I gave her her long black hair, but I also gave her peachy skin. were there no browns to paint with that day? what does that say about the school? If there were colors that looked more like my sister, why didn’t I choose them? for all of my nine or ten years of life I lived with her, played with her, fought with her.

I’m really confused. the only thing I remember about the actual day was that i was breaking the rules by painting 4 people on my rock instead of just myself. And I liked it! it was the first time I learned the trick about breaking the rules in a way that when you get called out on it, the person in authority looks silly. (but I did more work and I LOVE my family). So I really don’t know what was going through my head or if there were even more than one color available for skin tone.

Its just weird. one of my friends thinks I just viewed her as the same as me so I gave her my skin color. but I was aware of her being a different color. I had to fight with the other kids because they would tell me she wasn’t my sister because of that very issue. it was shoved in my face. so I’m not sure that was the answer.

slut shaming is no ok even if used on bigots

was reading this on feministing and it got me thinking about how I responded to some one who posted stuff about her nude pictures on facebook and my immediate response was:

” I think people who don’t like people to pass judgment on them shouldn’t make judgments on others based on something as superficial as whether they pose for a nude magazine. While I would never endorse the porn industry I think that telling women they are objects their whole life then shaming them when they act like one in the “wrong” way is inappropriate. there are plenty of issues with this individual, we don’t need to use slut shaming tactics to make a point.”

then someone said “I support her right to express her opinions when she is NOT representing the state of CA.”

To which I replied:

“the issue is not that she is expressing her opinions as Miss California as “our Representative,” it is that if she poses nude we can completely dismiss what she said. we can shame her and our point is more valid.

this is ridiculous reasoning. whether or not she posed nude her comments were oppressive. whether or not she made oppressive comments, slut shaming shames anyone who has ever done the activity in question not just her and is inappropriate.

these statements are true whether or not she is “miss California” and beauty pageants have NEVER represented anything other than a patriarchal prescription of what a woman should be. not cool in general. and never representative of me.”

at which point people started talking posting “but I’m not misogynist, I’m just pointing out hypocrisy.”

headdesk

I couldn’t say it better myself

I mean that literally, hence I am publishing a link.

favorite part:

If we’re saying that marriage is a civil contract when we say we want it open to everyone, then we’re saying we want the latter, not a gendered relationship where one person provides and the other person obeys. (Although I have to say… kinky! Just have a safe word before trying it out.)

I will probably end up in a relationship with a man. but this individual is describing exactly what I would want if I decided to have a monogamous long term relationship with another individual.

this guy is awesome

because 70% of 10% is nothing compared to the numbers of white people who turned out to vote against equality.

Peaceful Protest for the Day of Decision

If you are in San Diego, please meet at 6th and Laurel at 5pm on whatever day the supreme court decides the case about prop 8.

we will march either in celebration or in protest.

for more info see the facebook group

not in san diego? Check out http://www.equalitycentral.org/decision-day

Like I said. I know I might be pissed… we can gather angrily but peacefully to raise our voices against hatred and oppression.

Unless of course prop 8 is overturned. then it will be party!!!

Tell everyone you know! We need to “Come out” in force!